“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge – myth is more potent than history – dreams are more powerful than facts – hope always triumphs over experience – laughter is the cure for grief – love is stronger than death”– Robert Fulghum
Letting Go Of Grief
Grief comes in all shapes and sizes. It sneaks in at the most unexpected times. As with any feeling or emotion the more you pile on the more bogged down you feel until you begin to feel like you can’t move at all, like you’re spinning the wheel. You just keep going around in circles and nothing ever changes.
There are as many reasons to grieve as we can imagine. The loss of anything can cause us grief. Of course, we feel grief at the loss of a loved one, but we also feel grief at the loss of job, loss of good health, a friend, a relationship, a beloved pet, a child getting married or going off to college.
We tend to hold on to grief at all costs. We feel that grieving some how justifies the situation that caused us to grieve in the first place. This “justification” keeps us from moving forward. And we remain stuck in grief, sometimes for years without ever realizing it.
My dad died when I had just turned seventeen that was almost thirty years ago. I was most definitely a daddy’s girl. I knew that at the time I was devastated. What I didn’t realize is that all these years later I was still grieving. I thought that as soon as I felt better and moved on with life that my grieving was over.
Boy was I wrong. A few years ago, when I discovered I was still grieving many things weren’t going well at all in my life. I’d just had a bad accident and couldn’t return to work. Because of this, my company refused to hold my position and I lost my job. This led to a huge financial strain on the family with the loss of income and additional medical bills. And things just snowballed down hill from there.
I found myself getting more and more depressed. At this point, I’d really lost touch with all the things I believe in. I was positive that Source had abandoned me, leading to more feelings of grief.
Holding On to Grief
Then one day I was trying desperately to feel something other than numb. I had reached a point where I just wanted to feel anything. So I sat down, did the best I could to quiet my mind, when out of nowhere I began to cry, uncontrollably. I cried for almost an hour. Once I got a hold of myself, it dawned on me what I’d been thinking about when the water works started.
I’d been thinking that it was time to embrace my passion and find a way to make money writing full time. So when I quieted my mind, the first memory I had was of talking to my dad. We were discussing my going to college when I was about sixteen. I was telling him that I wanted to major in English and Journalism when I heard him clearly say to me exactly what he said then, “You need to consider a real career, because writers don’t make any money.”
Then the next thought I had was…what do you care? You didn’t care enough to hang around to see me graduate high school or go to college. Just keep your (blankin’) opinions to yourself. Boy, did I feel angry or what? I had no idea that I was that angry with my dad for dying, that all those years later I still felt abandoned. I was still grieving, but not for the loss of my dad.
I was grieving for the loss of what could have been. He could have been there to see me graduate. He could have been there to see me grow up. Once we come to terms with the physical loss of someone or something, which happens relatively quickly in the grieving process. We begin to feel the loss of what could have been. It’s this grief we bury and carry with us. This is what keeps us stuck.
What Could Have Been
We don’t move forward because we don’t know where to go. We’re trying to move forward based on what could have been instead of what is. In order to let go (of anything) the first thing you need to do is accept it. By accepting it, you don’t have to like it. You simply have to acknowledge that it exists and that this is what you feel.
Always remember that your feelings are your feelings. No matter why you have them, how you got them, or what you do with them. No matter what anyone says, you are allowed to feel the way you feel. But you also must remember when it comes to feelings, they are not who you are, they mask who you are. And only you can take control and change the way you feel.
Once you’ve accepted that you’re still grieving, go ahead, and welcome the grief. It’s been hanging around awhile, so welcome it. Acknowledge it. Let it know you know it’s there. Then let it go.
In my case, I also thought I needed to forgive. I was still angry about losing what could have been with my dad. I sat quietly by myself and said, “Dad, I forgive you for leaving me at a time when I really needed you in my life. At a time that was special. I also forgive you for giving up and not fighting to stay with us. In turn I forgive myself for being angry with you all these years.”
I then focused on what I was feeling, welcomed it one more time, and then simply asked myself if I’d rather still feel these feelings. Or, would I rather feel free? I decided that I’d rather be free. So I said, “Grief I know you’ve been here for a while a long while and I accept that you’re here. But I do believe with all my heart that it’s time for to go so that I can move on.”
“So can I allow grief to remain here?” Although this seems like an odd question, it’s very relative. If you really can accept the feeling then you can allow it to remain with you. Although “no” is an appropriate answer too, if you’re really at a point of allowing then you’ll easily be able to answer “yes.”
Once I answered yes to this question, then I asked myself, “Can I let grief go?” This is also a very relative question because we obviously tend to hold on to our feelings. I’d been holding on to this one for many, many years.
Once I answered “yes” to this question I then asked myself. “when can I let grief go?” Once again, since we hold on, this is a relative question. It’s also an invitation simply to say, “Now!” And by doing so letting the feelings of grief go. When I said now, I found such a sense of relief. Almost like the proverbial weight had been lifted. I had to do this exercise a few time before I felt the freedom I was looking for. But in a very short amount of time, I saw many things turn around.
For one I believed that Source hadn’t abandoned me after all. That I’d just shrouded my connection in grief. I also started healing from my accident and I pursued my passion to write full time. It’s as though my energy level rose to a point so quickly that all things I desired starting showing up at once.
The method I used to let go, is called the Sedona Method. It’s in my humble opinion the best program for helping you to let go of all your limiting beliefs. It’s quick, it’s easy to understand, it’s comprehensive, and above all if you give it the old college try, it will work. Unlike other programs for dealing with your limited feelings and beliefs, you don’t even have to believe this works. No belief is needed for it to do its job.
All you have to do is focus and ask the appropriate questions. There’s no delving in to why you have these feelings, where they came from or any of that. That really is all unimportant. All that is important is the way you feel and that you can let it go and move on. If you’re ready to move on then give the Sedona Method a try.
