Having a low opinion of yourself is not “modesty.” It’s self-destruction. Holding your uniqueness in high regard is not “egotism.” It’s a necessary precondition to happiness and success. –Bobbe Sommer
Do You Masquerade as an Overachiever?
A report I read recently claimed that nearly 85% of all people (78% of all women) have low self-esteem. The researchers admit that their numbers may be off slightly because there really is no definitive way to measure self-esteem. But even if their numbers are plus or minus 10%, that’s still a huge percentage of people who feel pretty crappy about themselves.
And those numbers could be off significantly because based on the report there’s no way to tell if the researchers took into consideration the ages of the participants. Teenage girls have significant issues with low self-esteem. It’s also unclear whether they studied only those who underachieve because of self-esteem issues or if they included those who mask their feelings of low-self esteem by becoming over-achievers.
By definition, an overachiever is one who achieves success over and above the standard or expected level especially at an early age. Most of us would assume this type of person is very confident and self-assured and seeks to achieve for a healthy sense of accomplishment. But for many that may not be the case at all. It all depends on what drives these types of personalities.
Overachievers may find that they try harder, work more, and set higher goals than the average person because they need validation. They feel that they need to have their actions and words validated by others. And if they don’t get the type of validation they expect, they set higher and harder to attain goals until someone sits up and takes notice. They’re unable to feel any sense of pride for their accomplishments. Some assume that if they can do it, it must not be a big deal. Anyone can do what they can do.
This is a case where the overachiever simply doesn’t have any faith in their abilities and talents. They need an outside source to tell them how important, special, and worthy their contributions are. And although they may accomplish much, it’s never enough. They continue to drive on, setting less attainable goals until their lack of self-worth finally takes over, and they begin to have one failure after another. And once an overachiever begins to fail and they’re no longer receiving the needed validation they may end up depressed or addicted to drugs or alcohol.
Overachievers first need to decide if achievement itself brings joy and they alone can see the worth in that achievement or if they need validation from others for what they do. If the latter is the reason then it’s imperative to discover the purpose behind needing such validation. Every need held on to serves a purpose in life or it would simply disappear naturally.
Every one has a unique talent or set of talents. It’s through these talents that you learn to define your strengths. Strengths that only you possess. It’s through recognizing your strengths that you come to understand what an unlimited being you are. Your talents and strengths are unlike anyone else’s. For example, two different people may have a talent for drawing. One may draw beautiful detailed nature pictures and the other may be equally as talented at cartooning. But simply because they chose different subject matters doesn’t mean that one is less talented than the other.
As long as you hold on to needing societal approval nothing will ever be good enough. You’ll still set goals but be unable to take pride in any of your accomplishments. It’s essential that you learn to free yourself of the need for validation from others. Once you’re able do this, you’ll see that all the validation you could ever seek already lies within you. And any goal you set can easily be achieved.
